Filling the Well

2018 Goals Update:
Books read: 30 (last week should have been 29, but I guess I got too excited)
Space Frankenstein: Outlined
Words on Space Frankenstein: 400/?

This has been a week of changes for me. I started my new job full-time. I still have a few odds and ends to take care of for my teaching gigs, but they're not my day to day anymore (and emails from students have slowed down--now I'm mostly seeing "can you round up my grade/can I do extra credit" emails that I don't have to respond to).

It's a little amazing how immediately this change trickled into other parts of my life. My level of energy has changed. I mean, I'm not suddenly out here running marathons, but I'm still able to focus at the end of the day. I still have some emotional reserves left to pull from.

I haven't been able to get many words on paper this week. Part of this is a time issue--in the early week, I was doing a lot of grading. But mostly I've been more focused on digging into the planning.

I had originally planned for the next long project I worked on to be BRUSHSTROKES--my take on YA Contemporary. But no matter what I did, I couldn't make it work.

I wasn't ready to make it a book yet, and I think, because so much of my mental and emotional energy was tied up with teaching and the stresses that go along with it, I wasn't able to see that I wasn't ready.

I've mentioned several times that I'm mostly a planner. I don't know everything that happens every step of the way before I go in, and I still do pretty extensive revisions. But making an outline is my clue-- "Hey, there's enough here for me to make this idea a whole book." That may not sound like much, but it gets me through the drafting process. When I'm wandering in the middle and can't figure out what I'm trying to do--when I'm starting to think that maybe the whole writing thing isn't for me--being able to look at that plan and see that I've got the pieces I need keeps me going.

With BRUSHSTROKES, I was never able to put together an outline. I thought of it as trying something new--shaking up my process. But the lack of guidance wasn't freeing. It didn't let me create something in a different way. It just stressed me out.

On top of the general background of stress in my life.

It was a bad combination.

This week, I've been able to clear my head. I've shelved BRUSHSTROKES. I still want to write it, but I'm going to leave it for a while until I'm sure I can make a book of it. And I've started work on another idea. I've written a shoddy synopsis and a rough outline. I've sketched out a couple of scenes.  I think I'll be able to get to the end of this one.

And all because I have the brain space now.

Sometimes I forget that writing is work--it's mentally and emotionally taxing. I can't draw from the well if the well is empty, and, in the last couple months, it's been empty pretty frequently.

Now, I'm feeling refilled. I'm excited to dig into something new. It's good to be back.