2018 Goals Update:
Books read: 30 (last week should have been 29, but I guess I got too excited)
Space Frankenstein: Outlined
Words on Space Frankenstein: 400/?
This has been a week of changes for me. I started my new job full-time. I still have a few odds and ends to take care of for my teaching gigs, but they're not my day to day anymore (and emails from students have slowed down--now I'm mostly seeing "can you round up my grade/can I do extra credit" emails that I don't have to respond to).
It's a little amazing how immediately this change trickled into other parts of my life. My level of energy has changed. I mean, I'm not suddenly out here running marathons, but I'm still able to focus at the end of the day. I still have some emotional reserves left to pull from.
I haven't been able to get many words on paper this week. Part of this is a time issue--in the early week, I was doing a lot of grading. But mostly I've been more focused on digging into the planning.
I had originally planned for the next long project I worked on to be BRUSHSTROKES--my take on YA Contemporary. But no matter what I did, I couldn't make it work.
I wasn't ready to make it a book yet, and I think, because so much of my mental and emotional energy was tied up with teaching and the stresses that go along with it, I wasn't able to see that I wasn't ready.
I've mentioned several times that I'm mostly a planner. I don't know everything that happens every step of the way before I go in, and I still do pretty extensive revisions. But making an outline is my clue-- "Hey, there's enough here for me to make this idea a whole book." That may not sound like much, but it gets me through the drafting process. When I'm wandering in the middle and can't figure out what I'm trying to do--when I'm starting to think that maybe the whole writing thing isn't for me--being able to look at that plan and see that I've got the pieces I need keeps me going.
With BRUSHSTROKES, I was never able to put together an outline. I thought of it as trying something new--shaking up my process. But the lack of guidance wasn't freeing. It didn't let me create something in a different way. It just stressed me out.
On top of the general background of stress in my life.
It was a bad combination.
This week, I've been able to clear my head. I've shelved BRUSHSTROKES. I still want to write it, but I'm going to leave it for a while until I'm sure I can make a book of it. And I've started work on another idea. I've written a shoddy synopsis and a rough outline. I've sketched out a couple of scenes. I think I'll be able to get to the end of this one.
And all because I have the brain space now.
Sometimes I forget that writing is work--it's mentally and emotionally taxing. I can't draw from the well if the well is empty, and, in the last couple months, it's been empty pretty frequently.
Now, I'm feeling refilled. I'm excited to dig into something new. It's good to be back.
Sunday, April 29, 2018
Sunday, April 22, 2018
Restart
2018 Goal Update
Books read:29
Words on BRUSHSTROKES: 250/ ?
Words on UNTITLED: 750/?
Starting new projects is always a little weird for me. It think it's rough for everyone, honestly. You're basically going from a near-finished product that you've been polishing for ages to a place where you're pretty much throwing words at a page to see if they stick--like checking to see if pasta is done. First drafts always start pretty slow for me because I can't stop comparing the new thing to the old thing. I get past it eventually, but it makes getting off the ground rough.
I expected these issues when I started BRUSHSTROKES, so I wasn't terribly surprised when I decided to scrap the 5000 plus words I had and start over.
I love the idea for BRUSHSTROKES. I think it'll be a pretty great book when I sit down to write it.
But I'm starting to think maybe now isn't the right time for me to work on it.
I'm in sort of a weird place. CANUS has taken up so much of my creative space over the last couple of years. I've worked on other things, sure, but not in what I think of as my usual way. Each time I've switched to a new project, I've gone in with a pitch, a contract, and a deadline. There was more structure to my writing. Now, I'm a little normless. I want to write another novel--it's time to write another novel--but there's no outside timeline. There's no prepared pitch.
It's been difficult to focus on much of anything in the last two weeks, but BRUSHSTROKES has been a particular nightmare. I can't get deep enough into the POV. I can't organize the scenes. I thought it was the usual new-project-slow start.
But a couple nights ago, I got caught up in another idea. I jotted down a couple paragraphs of a summary. Yesterday, I sat down and put some words on paper. They weren't great--first drafts and all--but they felt good.
So, for now, I'm going to work on the project that feels good. Or at least, feels better. First drafts are generally a hellscape for me, but I think I might be able to get this one on the page.
And that's the important part.
Books read:29
Words on BRUSHSTROKES: 250/ ?
Words on UNTITLED: 750/?
Starting new projects is always a little weird for me. It think it's rough for everyone, honestly. You're basically going from a near-finished product that you've been polishing for ages to a place where you're pretty much throwing words at a page to see if they stick--like checking to see if pasta is done. First drafts always start pretty slow for me because I can't stop comparing the new thing to the old thing. I get past it eventually, but it makes getting off the ground rough.
I expected these issues when I started BRUSHSTROKES, so I wasn't terribly surprised when I decided to scrap the 5000 plus words I had and start over.
I love the idea for BRUSHSTROKES. I think it'll be a pretty great book when I sit down to write it.
But I'm starting to think maybe now isn't the right time for me to work on it.
I'm in sort of a weird place. CANUS has taken up so much of my creative space over the last couple of years. I've worked on other things, sure, but not in what I think of as my usual way. Each time I've switched to a new project, I've gone in with a pitch, a contract, and a deadline. There was more structure to my writing. Now, I'm a little normless. I want to write another novel--it's time to write another novel--but there's no outside timeline. There's no prepared pitch.
It's been difficult to focus on much of anything in the last two weeks, but BRUSHSTROKES has been a particular nightmare. I can't get deep enough into the POV. I can't organize the scenes. I thought it was the usual new-project-slow start.
But a couple nights ago, I got caught up in another idea. I jotted down a couple paragraphs of a summary. Yesterday, I sat down and put some words on paper. They weren't great--first drafts and all--but they felt good.
So, for now, I'm going to work on the project that feels good. Or at least, feels better. First drafts are generally a hellscape for me, but I think I might be able to get this one on the page.
And that's the important part.
Sunday, April 15, 2018
Cool Down
2018 Goal Update
Books read: 27
Words on BRUSHSTROKES: 5900/? (probably 80-85K)
Remember that last week of March when I wrote about 5,000 words in that one week?
Yeah, that didn't happen in the last couple weeks. I didn't even manage to get in last week's blog post (um... sorry about that).
I expect productivity to fluctuate. I know some weeks I'll get more done than others. There are natural dips.
That's not what's been going on.
I've mentioned before that I'm in the process of switching jobs. Adjunct life has been interesting, but it's time for me to move on to work that's more reliable (and comes with better pay and benefits--I love you, academia, but you've got to pay your workers what they're worth). I found a new job that's pretty great and that's willing to wait until the end of the semester to bring me on full-time, so long as I work part-time hours until then.
It's a good deal. Except for one thing: it means that I, right now, have four part-time jobs.
It's been an exhausting couple of weeks. I'm not great at the whole work-life balance thing to begin with, and adding another job to the mix has taken its toll. I've been burning the candle at every conceivable end, and it's drained my writing mojo.
This four-job situation is temporary--at the end of the semester, just a couple of weeks from now, my three teaching jobs end and I'll be down to one full-time job with normal hours. A few low-productivity writing weeks isn't so bad a trade off in the long run. Predictable hours and a decrease in the emotional labor I'll have to do on a daily basis will free up more brain space for creative work. In light of that, a few low-productivity writing weeks aren't a bad trade.
But, oh man, do I feel awful about it.
I'm sort of a slow-producer when it comes to words. Sure, I can crank out over a thousand on a day when I'm on a deadline, but in general it's a slower process for me. Since most of my writer friends are more prolific, I'm pretty insecure about my tiny daily wordcounts under the best of circumstances. It's not as bad when I'm able to squeeze in several writing days in a week. The cumulative wordcount lessens the feeling of inadequacy.
The past two weeks, though, I've been lucky to get in a single 250 word day. A two-week wordcount of fewer than 500 words is a gut-punch.
One of the ways that my brain lies to me is that it constantly tells me that I'm lazy. No matter how much I get done or how many hours of work I put in, there's a voice in my head that's telling me I'm not trying hard enough. I know that this is objectively not true, but it's hard to ignore that voice in times like this when I'm not getting words on the page.
It's a struggle to keep my expectations reasonable this week. There's only so much time in a day, and I only have so much mental space. If my productivity is low now, that's not so bad. This overwhelming situation is temporary, and once things settle, I should be able to get back on my feet--maybe not back to that end-of-March-I-had-a-whole-week-off level, but to somewhere reasonable.
In the meantime, I guess I have to take some time. Allow myself to recharge. Write what I can, when I can, but not get caught up in the numbers.
Books read: 27
Words on BRUSHSTROKES: 5900/? (probably 80-85K)
Remember that last week of March when I wrote about 5,000 words in that one week?
Yeah, that didn't happen in the last couple weeks. I didn't even manage to get in last week's blog post (um... sorry about that).
I expect productivity to fluctuate. I know some weeks I'll get more done than others. There are natural dips.
That's not what's been going on.
I've mentioned before that I'm in the process of switching jobs. Adjunct life has been interesting, but it's time for me to move on to work that's more reliable (and comes with better pay and benefits--I love you, academia, but you've got to pay your workers what they're worth). I found a new job that's pretty great and that's willing to wait until the end of the semester to bring me on full-time, so long as I work part-time hours until then.
It's a good deal. Except for one thing: it means that I, right now, have four part-time jobs.
It's been an exhausting couple of weeks. I'm not great at the whole work-life balance thing to begin with, and adding another job to the mix has taken its toll. I've been burning the candle at every conceivable end, and it's drained my writing mojo.
This four-job situation is temporary--at the end of the semester, just a couple of weeks from now, my three teaching jobs end and I'll be down to one full-time job with normal hours. A few low-productivity writing weeks isn't so bad a trade off in the long run. Predictable hours and a decrease in the emotional labor I'll have to do on a daily basis will free up more brain space for creative work. In light of that, a few low-productivity writing weeks aren't a bad trade.
But, oh man, do I feel awful about it.
I'm sort of a slow-producer when it comes to words. Sure, I can crank out over a thousand on a day when I'm on a deadline, but in general it's a slower process for me. Since most of my writer friends are more prolific, I'm pretty insecure about my tiny daily wordcounts under the best of circumstances. It's not as bad when I'm able to squeeze in several writing days in a week. The cumulative wordcount lessens the feeling of inadequacy.
The past two weeks, though, I've been lucky to get in a single 250 word day. A two-week wordcount of fewer than 500 words is a gut-punch.
One of the ways that my brain lies to me is that it constantly tells me that I'm lazy. No matter how much I get done or how many hours of work I put in, there's a voice in my head that's telling me I'm not trying hard enough. I know that this is objectively not true, but it's hard to ignore that voice in times like this when I'm not getting words on the page.
It's a struggle to keep my expectations reasonable this week. There's only so much time in a day, and I only have so much mental space. If my productivity is low now, that's not so bad. This overwhelming situation is temporary, and once things settle, I should be able to get back on my feet--maybe not back to that end-of-March-I-had-a-whole-week-off level, but to somewhere reasonable.
In the meantime, I guess I have to take some time. Allow myself to recharge. Write what I can, when I can, but not get caught up in the numbers.
Sunday, April 1, 2018
Uncharted
2018 Goals Update
Books read: 25 (my original goal was 50...I think I'm gonna make it)
Words on BRUSHSTROKES: 5,506/?
My Spring Break, such as it is, is drawing to a close. All three schools had their break on the same week this year, for once, so I actually did have a full week away from my day jobs. But I wouldn't exactly call it a week off.
Even with classes not in session, there were still emails from students to field. I did all the pre-screenings and onboarding paperwork for my new day job, which starts on a part-time basis next week. I'll shift to full-time when the semester ends, and my days as an adjunct will be over.
In spite of the flurry of activity, I managed to have some pretty productive writing days. I wrote to keep my mind off of waiting for Author Mentor Match results, and I wrote to distract myself from the disappointment when I didn't get chosen. But mostly, I wrote because this idea won't let go of me.
The beginning of a project is always weird. You go from looking at something that you've trimmed the fat from and polished and smoothed to looking at the rambling, incoherent slop that is a first draft.
My favorite part of writing is revision. I like tinkering with the story once it's down, looking at the bits and pieces and doing a diagnostic. Working and reworking the sections. I like the part where the shambling mess of a manuscript starts to look like an actual book.
Which means that writing a first draft can be a reeeeeeal challenge. First drafts are, by nature, imperfect. And, when it comes to my writing, I have a tendency to be a perfectionist.
Not all first drafts are alike. Not even all of my first drafts are alike. Some are..draftier, for lack of a better word. Some are more polished. But they're all kinda bad.
Most of my first drafts are solid stories. My tendency to outline serves me pretty well in that way.
But this story is different.
I don't have a plan for BRUSHSTROKES in the way that I had one for CANUS. I have a couple of paragraphs of a summary and a list of the major characters. I know, sort of, where the story will eventually go. I have a pretty solid idea of what the first handful of chapters look like. And that's pretty much it.
Not having a plan has definitely made the process more stressful. There's nothing for me to look to if I get stuck or lose the thread of the story. It makes things feel messy.
Phoebe, my main character in the new MS is messy. She's complicated. And this MS requires a close perspective--BRUSHSTROKES is my first real attempt at first person narration.
I'm hoping that the lack of form, the lack of my usual structure will let me dig a little deeper into Phoebe. It'll mean more revision on the back end, I'm sure, but if I can find her voice, I think it'll be worth it.
But boy, is the process ugly. I'm trying to embrace the crap. I'm really trying.
Long term, I can't say how this experiment will work out. It's certainly let me put a lot of words on the page pretty quickly, but that might have more to do with the week off than anything. We'll see if the wordcount keeps up next week.
When's the last time you shook up your process or wrote something out of your comfort zone? How did it go? Let me know in the comments.
Books read: 25 (my original goal was 50...I think I'm gonna make it)
Words on BRUSHSTROKES: 5,506/?
My Spring Break, such as it is, is drawing to a close. All three schools had their break on the same week this year, for once, so I actually did have a full week away from my day jobs. But I wouldn't exactly call it a week off.
Even with classes not in session, there were still emails from students to field. I did all the pre-screenings and onboarding paperwork for my new day job, which starts on a part-time basis next week. I'll shift to full-time when the semester ends, and my days as an adjunct will be over.
In spite of the flurry of activity, I managed to have some pretty productive writing days. I wrote to keep my mind off of waiting for Author Mentor Match results, and I wrote to distract myself from the disappointment when I didn't get chosen. But mostly, I wrote because this idea won't let go of me.
The beginning of a project is always weird. You go from looking at something that you've trimmed the fat from and polished and smoothed to looking at the rambling, incoherent slop that is a first draft.
My favorite part of writing is revision. I like tinkering with the story once it's down, looking at the bits and pieces and doing a diagnostic. Working and reworking the sections. I like the part where the shambling mess of a manuscript starts to look like an actual book.
Which means that writing a first draft can be a reeeeeeal challenge. First drafts are, by nature, imperfect. And, when it comes to my writing, I have a tendency to be a perfectionist.
Not all first drafts are alike. Not even all of my first drafts are alike. Some are..draftier, for lack of a better word. Some are more polished. But they're all kinda bad.
Most of my first drafts are solid stories. My tendency to outline serves me pretty well in that way.
But this story is different.
I don't have a plan for BRUSHSTROKES in the way that I had one for CANUS. I have a couple of paragraphs of a summary and a list of the major characters. I know, sort of, where the story will eventually go. I have a pretty solid idea of what the first handful of chapters look like. And that's pretty much it.
Not having a plan has definitely made the process more stressful. There's nothing for me to look to if I get stuck or lose the thread of the story. It makes things feel messy.
Phoebe, my main character in the new MS is messy. She's complicated. And this MS requires a close perspective--BRUSHSTROKES is my first real attempt at first person narration.
I'm hoping that the lack of form, the lack of my usual structure will let me dig a little deeper into Phoebe. It'll mean more revision on the back end, I'm sure, but if I can find her voice, I think it'll be worth it.
But boy, is the process ugly. I'm trying to embrace the crap. I'm really trying.
Long term, I can't say how this experiment will work out. It's certainly let me put a lot of words on the page pretty quickly, but that might have more to do with the week off than anything. We'll see if the wordcount keeps up next week.
When's the last time you shook up your process or wrote something out of your comfort zone? How did it go? Let me know in the comments.
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